Mourning the passing of my 20's

When I used to think about the age 30 I always thought of the word "old".... Well, not anymore, mainly because I'm currently enjoying the last weekend of my 20's. Turning 30 is definitely more of an emotional leap then a physical one. I can't say I look 30 or at least I hope I don't. I certainly don't feel 30? Maybe I do and don't know it? Either way, 30 still seems much further off then 48 hours away.

These past 10 years feel like... well like a blur. It went by fast when I glance back at the years, but in reality only the last 5 years feel like they have flown by. I'm not sure that I have accomplished as much as I have learned about myself. However, I have to admit that the more I think I know, the more I start to understand that I'm just beginning to learn.

So what have the last 10 years brought me? First I would like to say that recollecting the past 10 years at the age of 30 is much easier to do then at 20. It's the first decade that we can look back and remember with great detail events that have happened from the beginning of that decade. I remember feeling like I was going through a mid-life crises at the age of 20! Go ahead and laugh, but learning to be an adult and jumping into all the responsibilities of being a "grown up" was like running into a brick wall full force. I felt torn between wanting to stay 17 forever and growing up. That didn't last for very long...

By 21 I was married.. Young yes and no I don't recommended! Don't frown at that comment... It could have turned out very badly and I thank God often that it didn't. But, trust me.. I will advise my own children against it because it wasn't easy.

At 23 my husband and I moved from everything we have ever know half way across America to follow his job. We were transferred to Chicago, Illinois. What a culture shock for us! I quit my job for his and I don't regret it one bit. It was a huge risk, but at such a young age we had to take the risk. We had nothing else holding us back.. Or so I though! I hated it! I met a few great people there but my heart was still in Texas with my family and friends. We lived there one year and moved back after finding out I was pregnant with Caden.

25 .... I gave birth to my handsome and loving little boy Caden. He's more then a joy to me. He's truly my blessing and gift from God. He's always happy and such a joy to be around. Maybe that's me talking, but I'm sure others think that too :)

26-28 I went back to work off and on. I started back off at my old job that I left when we moved to IL. They were great and allowed me to work part time and come in during the hours that worked for me. I started a business with one of my best friends. It was one of those "Oh let's do this it's a great idea". It was a GREAT idea, but shortly after starting the business the economy tanked and took our business with it. We didn't make much money but we didn't give up. We ran with it as long as we could. I'm glad we did it because I don't like what if's... and now I know.

28... I had a miscarriage. Some don't know that, it was early and I'm the "if it's meant to be then it will happen" type of person. I truly feel like everything happens for a purpose and reason. I don't know why that happened but I'm not angry that it did. God knows why and I believe he has a plan. I also lost my Grandmother this year. She was a wonderful lady and in the last years of her life we were able to spend more time together then before. For that I'm grateful. She will always be missed.

29 gave me Malorie! Well she was born a month before my 29th birthday, but it counts. Another gift from God! She's beautiful and sweet in every way.

The last 10 years have taught me that life is more then just years in a calender, that friends can be family, that loss can bring gain, that to be happy you have to choose happiness, that sometimes your plan isn't what's meant to be, and that no matter how much you think you know you never know enough.

So sadly I do say good bye to my 20's, but I welcome my 30's! :)

1 year in two weeks?

Just when you're wanting to slow it down, you realize that the older you get, the faster time passes you by. I can remember sitting in school or work just praying for the time to fly by. I don't know if it's because the saying is true, time flies when your having fun, or if I really have a lot more going on; probably a little bit of both. But, either way, I wouldn't mind time going back to slowly passing me by like it used to years ago. It was nearly one year ago that we turned our family of three into a family of four and welcomed Malorie Elizabeth into our ever changing lives. Over the past year she has grown to be the sweetest, although still high maintenance, loving, cute little girl I have ever known. She came into this world extremely strong willed and that will hasn't weakend a bit over this past year. Malorie doesn't give up easily on anything or I should say, she doesn't give up without a fight. At the same time she is loving and although she doesn't stop long enough to cuddle or hug or kiss, just the fact that she does it at all melts my heart. She's extremely smart as well, show her something once and she does it like she knew how to all along. Not to mention she can pretty much mimic any noise you make. She hasn't let any grass grow under her feet so to speak. She rolled over at 3 months, sat up at 5, crawled at 6 and recently started walking over the holidays. Although she's smart enough to know she's not too great at walking and will crawl there if she needs to get there fast. She still has a lacking of hair, but that doesn't keep me from stlying it with bows or head bands. She has 8 teeth and uses each and every one of them to keep up her love for food! Speaking of love for food, she's a big girl, weighing a whopping 23 lbs which puts her in the 85% of kids her age. Let's talk about schedule, this little girl knows her schedule. You would think she made it up herself the way she demands it! She requires her sleep and she requires it in her bed. She's been a thumb sucker since she was 5 months old when I took the pacifier away because it was causing sleeping issues for both of us. Needless to say she's been a wonderful sleeper since her and thumb found each other. She takes 2 naps a day and sleeps a good 8-10 hours a night. I really couldn't ask for more. I have to say that if you told me she would be so regimented at 1 year I would have laughed in your face. One year has gone by, one whole year! It just seems like yesterday, but it's been one year. To my sweet, loveable little girl.. Happy Birthday :)

Fall is here!

It's been a while so here goes nothing..

Well, today Malorie is 9 months old.. My baby is growing up so fast. I remember thinking with Caden "just stay 3 months old, 6 months old..".. And now we will be registering for Kindergarten in April. It just seems so unreal to me. I don't even want to think about planning a birthday party for my baby! It seems like yesterday that I just had her.. I'm just not ready for her to be one or to be a toddler.

Malorie is a little busy body to say the least :) She has to see and touch EVERYTHING. She doesn't spend much time on one thing before she moves to the next and then the next. She keeps me busy following after her picking up the damage she has left behind. We call her our little tornado. She absolutely adores her brother, to her he is her entertainer. Although, Caden does seem to get annoyed by her easily, he loves her very much. I'll watch him kiss her randomly or hug her when she cries. He tells her he loves her before bed and kisses her good night. Even when Mom said she was going to take her home with her (jokingly) he said "I want Malorie to stay with us.." So I know those first 4 years of his life without her seem like a distant memory now that Miss Malorie is here to share the spot light, even if she pushes him out of the light sometimes.

She's growing like leaps and bounds too. She's 20lbs plus and super long. I don't even buy her anything that buttons at the bottom or zips because she just doesn't fit into it. Or if she does it's weeks before I'm setting it aside because it doesn't fit her anymore. She's wearing 12-18 months if that gives you any indication of how big she is. She's crawling everywhere.. She looks like a quick little spider when she crawls too. She's so fast she looks like she hops to her next location. And trust me she can pick up the speed pretty quick too.

She's been cruising the furniture for a while now, but recently she started letting go for a few seconds here and there. The other day she actually attempted to take a step without holding on, but then quickly plopped down to crawl her way there. I think she knows she can get there quicker crawling :) Smart little girl.

She says a few words like Mama, Dada, Dawg (for dog), more (for more food)...
And she still looks bald to most people, but to us her hair is coming in, it's just so light in color that you can't see it. It's now more of a light blond then a red and seems to be super straight like Michaels. I wish she would keep those head bands in her hair, she wants nothing to do with them. Our last photo shoot with Erin was quite a scene. It started off with Malorie getting an attitude and taking a chunk out of Cadens face.. He began to bleed and got his feelings hurt. I could see him start to cry but then he held it together since we were in public lol! Anyway, it ended up with a picture of the two of them, minus the bow and including a red mark on Caden's face. What can you do...? I asked Erin to try some photo shop on them, we'll see :P

Caden is 4 going on 14! He has a mind of his own with opinions to follow. Sometimes he will have conversations with Michael and I that just make us laugh for hours.
He's in preschool again this year and then next year he will start Kindergarten. We are still undecided as to what school he'll go to. But, I'm sure it will work out in the end.
He's a real charmer! Several times a day he will just come up to me and cuddle right up to me and say "mama, I love you...." then give me a big hug. Usually it's after getting into trouble, but how can you be mad at that. He's a handsome little thing too.. I can't tell you how many times I get stopped in public by people just to comment on how cute he is or or pretty his big eyes are with those long lashes and thick brows! If I had a quarter for every comment I would be a rich woman by now for sure! He's going to drive the girls crazy with those stunning looks. Michael and I will have to lock the doors up good. The good thing is he has such a sweet personality to go with those good looks. What a good combination :)

What's up with Michael and I you ask ... ? Well Micahel has been on the road again, actually in the air again. He's been traveling quite a bit, which means I'm home with the kids a lot! We keep busy with school and play dates, working out and lunch with friends. Michael and I celebrated our 8th anniversary earlier this month. Also, Michael turned the big 30 in September and I'm not far behind. Again, something I can't believe! Geez... what happened to my 20's, how did 10 years go by so fast? With all of our technology we still don't have a way to slow time. ;0
Well, if you got this far, thanks for reading.. Hopefully I can continue to update... at least monthly!

Big Week!

This week is a big week for us! Malorie turned 3 months old on Sunday (April 25th) and Caden will be 4 on Saturday!! These past 3 months have really flown by when we look back on them. But, in the middle of it all it seemed to drag. Malorie's allergies have been managed with the most expensive formula on the market and previcid. We spend approximately $200 on formula in one month easily. But, it's well worth it for her to be comfortable. The previcid she is on has to be compounded becuase the pill form is coated in lactose and with her milk/soy/lactose intolerance we just can't go there. Over all she's a completely different baby today then she was just 4 weeks ago. What she had was NOT colic (whatever that really is anyway). She clearly had an allergy to her formulas, I was convinced when all of her symptoms stopped abruptly when I moved her to the hypoallergenic formula. I have to say, I didn't think Iwould make it to this point during those screaming fits that lasted litterally all day long. We both cried for the first 9 weeks of her little life. But, Michael and I didn't stop to find a way to make her more comfortable. Her doctor at the time was not listening to us and was frankly annoyed by us. We were in the office every week, no kidding! But, when you are a parent of a child that cries none stop, no sleep and on BP meds, you have no other choice by to find answers. I decided after getting no where with her doctors that I would do the research myself and that is when I came to the conclusion that I needed to change DRs. We are seeing a new group that seems to agree with the way I think we should do things... and I hope it stays that way.

Back to the present, Michael has been gone for the most part of two weeks. Thank God Malorie has things under control. I'm just not sure I would be able to handle it if it weren't under control. It's still hard dealing with two young ones for 24 hours straight days on end. But, thankfully my Mom has been a huge help! I don't know how I woul do it without her!

Caden has been slowly but surely trying to get used to having Malorie around. It's been a lot harder on him then I really thought it would be. But, I guess nearly 4 years alone is a long time to have the rug pullled out from underneath you. He loves his sister though and he's extremely protective, it's cute.

Malorie's newest thing is stranger anxiety. She is so sensitive to everything. It's truely amazing to see the difference between her and Caden. It's litterally night and day. He never really cared who had him as long as his needs were met in a timely matter. Malorie on the other hand, really doesn't want to have anything to do with anyone other then me (Mom) and those she's close to, Michael and my Mom. If she's eased into it she does much better then if it's an abrupt change of hands. Then she goes from 0 to 100 screaming until she feel comfortable again. And that can take a while the longer she cries. It's hard for me to see her have such a hard time but God is showing me my patience beyond what I ever expected from myself. :)

Here are a few pics of the kids!

Day by day..

Malorie will be 8 weeks old on Monday! Time goes by so much faster these days. I remember being a kid and thinking 24 hours was such a long time. Back then I would spend my time wishing time would go by faster. Now I spend my time wishing it would slow down. Especially when I think that my little baby boy will be 4 in a month and half! How can this be? Where has the time gone? It's hard for me to believe that I have two kids, let alone one that will be 4. It's harder for me to believe that in less then a year I will be 30! WOW! I have to admit that I had a mini meltdown when I received the information about my 1o year reunion that will be held in July. For so long that has just been an event that's been anticipated, but seemed so far off. Now I'm looking at 4 months until that most anticipated event. I guess I better get used to time flying by me :)

Well it's been a while since my last post, mainly because it's hard to find time to sit down and get on the computer long enough to post. Malorie has had colic since she was about 2 weeks old. It has been extremely trying for Michael and I.. well and Caden as well. He hates to hear her screaming and doesn't understand that there is nothing wrong. We tell him all the time that babies just cry for no reason. He still seems uptight and very uncomfortable when she has her screaming fits.

We have tried every formula you can think of to ease her gas pains. We are currently on our last option before going to completely hypoallergenic formula. Which is nasty and VERY expensive. She is also on Previcid for sever reflux. She spits up and will occasionally have projectile vomiting spells. I knew something was wrong when she would scream after eatting and it always seemed to be in combination with burping her. I have done my fair share of research on reflux and gas and colic. I'm constantly googling and reading up on ways to make her more comfortable. But, I feel like we are on the right path now.. (fingers crossed). Instead of everyday being a "bad day" she has good days in between the bad days. Part of that might be that shes 2 months old and is starting to grow out of the colic, but either way I just hope she continues to get better and better. It's so hard to watch your child scream constantly like they are in pain and to have a DR tell you that there is nothing you can do to help them. We were told she would just need to grow out of it. I cried when they told us nothing was wrong, she was just colicky. Not that I wanted something to be wrong but I just had a hard time excepting that answer of being able to do nothing for her. So Michael and I have spent the last 8 weeks rocking, bouncing, singing, swaying... you name it we have done it to keep her happy. She has all of the typical signs of colic and loves to be moving CONSTANTLY. But, now that she has "good days" we are trying to work on letting her entertain herself. There's nothing like creating another problem because of a problem. I really didn't want her to become extremely needy becuase of the colic. So far she has done pretty good as long as she's in a good mood. She is able to entertain her self a little bit longer each time. She's starting to notice people especially me (Mom). When she seems me walk by she bats her hands in the air and starts to wiggle around and eventually gets upset if I don't pick her up immediatly. She loves Caden and Caden loves her. He's always telling me how cute she is and he's always coming up and kissing on her and loving on her. He's such a loving big brother. When we go places he's always reminding me not to forget Malorie. It's so cute :)

On top of Malories reflux, feeding issues and colic.. we have all been sick the past 3 weeks! It all started with Caden. He woke up with a horrible cough and had it for a week. I really tried my best to keep him away from Malorie. Well, of course about a week later she starts coughing. So first thing Monday morning I take both kids in. Caden had bronchitis and Malorie just had a cold. Again nothing you can do to help her to be more comfortable. I was constantly suctioning her nose and patting her on the back so she can cough up the junk. Luckily it didn't turn in to RSV or anything more serious. Well about half way through her week of being sick guess who gets it... yep me!! After 2 weeks of sick kids, lack of sleep becuase of a newborn and getting sick myself, I'm sure you can imagine what kind of mood I was in. Oh and lets not forget to mention a very colicky baby which was made worse by the cold. I was ready to be checked into the looney bin! And unfortunately I'm still sick, 11 days later. I feel like I might be getting better but just when I think I am the weather changes and I start feeling bad again. I feel like I can't catch a break. But, I'm not trying to complain :) This is our update and here are some pics of Malorie!

Valentines Snow!

Texas in not known for "snow days", but when we get them the always fall around the same times, Thanksgiving, New Years and Valentines Day. This year (2010) we had another Valentines Day snow!! Well Valentines Week Snow! This is mine and Michael's second time to see a Valentines snow! Last time Caden saw snow he hated it. When he was two we took him to Colorado and he hated the snow. But, this time he loves it! He woke up and said "is Santa going to come now".. I guess he thinks Santa comes when it snows ;P

Here are a few pics of our snow day!

Another week in the hospital..

Well, I thought that I had dodged the high blood pressure bullet. Not so much though. After Malorie was born I started having really bad neck pains. The pain got so bad that I initially thought it might have had something to do with my blood pressure. So I checked and it was 178/115. So I called my DR and they on call nurse told me that was way to high and to go on to the hospital. I get there and the ER DR checks me out and doesn't feel comfortable giving me BP meds but sends me home with steroids for what he thinks is a pinched nerve, then tells me to follow up with my OB on Monday.

Monday I call and get in to see my DR around 4pm. BP was still very elevated. She prescribes a BP medication then tells me to go home rest for 30 mins and call if it has not come down to 150/99. If it had not come down then I would need to be admitted until it lowers or they can regulate it with BP meds. In the meantime the pain in my neck is nearly unbearable and the steroids haven't helped at all.

So that night I go home and do as they say except I gave myself 1 hour instead of 30 mins. Still my bp was really elevated. So I had no other choice but to call. I called and they tell me to go straight there and I would need to leave the baby at home in order to rest and relax as much as possible. That stressed me out more then anything and I'm sure didn't help my bp at ALL.

After 4 days in the hospital and several drugs and medications along with several DRs the bp was somewhat under control and I was sent home with 3 different bp meds. My pain in my neck was caused by 2 severe ear infections that had infected my eustachian tubes and causing pain in my neck. My glads were extremely swollen and my throat was swollen and red. But, I never had pain in my throat or a fever of any kind.

Now almost 3 weeks after birth I still have one lingering ear infection and some pain which I'm managing with some strong pain meds. BP is still up and down but the gap in between is getting smaller and smaller. I still have about 6 weeks of definite need for bp meds, but realistically I have about 3-4 months of bp therapy needed.

Hopefully things will settle down soon. :)