Saturday, February 19, 2011

Mourning the passing of my 20's

When I used to think about the age 30 I always thought of the word "old".... Well, not anymore, mainly because I'm currently enjoying the last weekend of my 20's. Turning 30 is definitely more of an emotional leap then a physical one. I can't say I look 30 or at least I hope I don't. I certainly don't feel 30? Maybe I do and don't know it? Either way, 30 still seems much further off then 48 hours away.

These past 10 years feel like... well like a blur. It went by fast when I glance back at the years, but in reality only the last 5 years feel like they have flown by. I'm not sure that I have accomplished as much as I have learned about myself. However, I have to admit that the more I think I know, the more I start to understand that I'm just beginning to learn.

So what have the last 10 years brought me? First I would like to say that recollecting the past 10 years at the age of 30 is much easier to do then at 20. It's the first decade that we can look back and remember with great detail events that have happened from the beginning of that decade. I remember feeling like I was going through a mid-life crises at the age of 20! Go ahead and laugh, but learning to be an adult and jumping into all the responsibilities of being a "grown up" was like running into a brick wall full force. I felt torn between wanting to stay 17 forever and growing up. That didn't last for very long...

By 21 I was married.. Young yes and no I don't recommended! Don't frown at that comment... It could have turned out very badly and I thank God often that it didn't. But, trust me.. I will advise my own children against it because it wasn't easy.

At 23 my husband and I moved from everything we have ever know half way across America to follow his job. We were transferred to Chicago, Illinois. What a culture shock for us! I quit my job for his and I don't regret it one bit. It was a huge risk, but at such a young age we had to take the risk. We had nothing else holding us back.. Or so I though! I hated it! I met a few great people there but my heart was still in Texas with my family and friends. We lived there one year and moved back after finding out I was pregnant with Caden.

25 .... I gave birth to my handsome and loving little boy Caden. He's more then a joy to me. He's truly my blessing and gift from God. He's always happy and such a joy to be around. Maybe that's me talking, but I'm sure others think that too :)

26-28 I went back to work off and on. I started back off at my old job that I left when we moved to IL. They were great and allowed me to work part time and come in during the hours that worked for me. I started a business with one of my best friends. It was one of those "Oh let's do this it's a great idea". It was a GREAT idea, but shortly after starting the business the economy tanked and took our business with it. We didn't make much money but we didn't give up. We ran with it as long as we could. I'm glad we did it because I don't like what if's... and now I know.

28... I had a miscarriage. Some don't know that, it was early and I'm the "if it's meant to be then it will happen" type of person. I truly feel like everything happens for a purpose and reason. I don't know why that happened but I'm not angry that it did. God knows why and I believe he has a plan. I also lost my Grandmother this year. She was a wonderful lady and in the last years of her life we were able to spend more time together then before. For that I'm grateful. She will always be missed.

29 gave me Malorie! Well she was born a month before my 29th birthday, but it counts. Another gift from God! She's beautiful and sweet in every way.

The last 10 years have taught me that life is more then just years in a calender, that friends can be family, that loss can bring gain, that to be happy you have to choose happiness, that sometimes your plan isn't what's meant to be, and that no matter how much you think you know you never know enough.

So sadly I do say good bye to my 20's, but I welcome my 30's! :)